Before long, I'd grown accustomed to living within the barricaded manor.
I still spent my days inside my room, avoiding the servants' eyes.
I killed time reading the romance novels Iris brought me or snacking. I realized I'd forgotten the taste of soft bread and sweet drinks for quite a while. I stopped craving alcohol.
Not a good sign. I reached for coffee and cigarettes more often than before, and my nightmares kept expanding endlessly.
At night, I became Roxanne's rehabilitation partner, or sparring opponent. We didn't converse. Though Roxanne kept trying to talk to me whenever she got the chance, as if that's what she wanted.
After exchanging a few sword strikes without responding, I'd return to my room before sunrise. ...We did end up smoking together, at least.
I admitted that a life on a leash was comfortable. I willingly accepted the cleaned room and someone always waiting for me there.
Today, I went with Iris to see Douglas. The day we'd decided to inform him I'd be staying at the manor. Not a request—an announcement. That's how Iris put it.
Like when I'd last visited Douglas in my previous life, I worried there might be troublesome procedures, but—
"Ah, Ain... you can wait outside.... I'll go tell him and come back...."
"...Are you sure you'll be okay?"
"Y-yeah.... But instead...."
In front of the drawing room, Iris rose slightly on her tiptoes and closed her eyes. I could see her lips trembling in anticipation of the coming kiss.
I grasped her shoulders, pulled her face close, and our lips met. This whole sequence had become as familiar as a daily routine by now.
"Hehe.... I-I'll do my best.... If it's too hard, you can go to the room first...."
"It's fine. I'll wait here."
I sat in the chair outside the drawing room and waved to Iris as she disappeared into the dining room. I sat there blankly, crushing my cigar against the armrest.
—Crash!
The sound of something breaking came from the dining room. The same sound as when Douglas had thrown a plate at me.
Soon after, Iris opened the dining room door and came out. She was smiling as if nothing had happened.
"L-let's go.... I told him...."
I pushed aside Iris as she reached out her hand to me and entered the dining room. Douglas sat there with a dazed expression. Blood and plate fragments were flowing down from his forehead.
Douglas didn't even notice me entering. His gaze was fixed only on the empty spot across from him where a plate had originally been. I quietly closed the door and headed to the room with Iris.
"...Did he give permission?"
"Y-yeah.... Sort of...."
"Actually?"
At my question, Iris fidgeted with her hands like she'd been scolded. I'd figured out the optimal method for drawing out answers when she refused to respond. Without stopping my steps, I put my lips to her earlobe and asked again.
"You fought."
"Eek.... I-it tickles.... I-I'll tell you when we get to the room...."
We arrived at Iris's room, locked the door as usual, and sat together on the bed.
"F-Father said absolutely not...."
"Of course. So?"
"R-Roxy's already lost her mind.... If Unnie disappears with Ain too.... he asked what people would say...."
Iris added, as if to reassure my stunned expression:
"I-I don't really think that about Roxy.... I just wanted to pressure Father so he couldn't stop me...."
"......"
No words came to mind. I remained silent.
"Th-then.... he said no matter what.... he absolutely couldn't let Ain in.... so I got furious...."
"...What if Unnie got kicked out too?"
Iris grinned and pressed her cheek against my shoulder.
"F-Father is... obsessed with honor and...."
"...achievements."
That's right. If rumors spread—especially about the eldest daughter and an illegitimate child eloping—Douglas's precious family standing would surely narrow.
Or maybe he was simply shocked that another daughter he cherished differently from me had changed too.
"Ha, haha."
"A-Ain...?"
It was absurdly easy. I didn't need to sit there chewing sawdust while humoring him. I didn't need to prepare by adorning myself with shitty decorations.
I just had to use Iris's feelings for me. How convenient. A comfortable retirement guaranteed without lifting a finger.
"Haha... Fuck... what a joke... Ha...."
"A-are you okay...? Are you angry...?"
Instead of answering, I embraced Iris and kissed her again. I bit her lip lightly, coating my mouth with the thread-like saliva, and said:
"Thank you for doing this for me. Unnie."
"Y-yeah.... I love you, Ain...."
Congratulations, Ain. You've become a fine gigolo. A life worth less than vermin. You've finally sold your body to maintain a life thinner than the saliva before your eyes.
I felt hell within the paradise my choices had created. I couldn't lift my head from Iris's embrace for a long while.
Until she closed the door and left, pretending to be asleep. I submerged myself in the darkness where the sunset had faded and no presence could be felt.
Right now, it wouldn't be strange at all if a notification window appeared with a Bad Ending message. After all, I'm not happy at all.
Regardless of how happy Iris is, I'm not happy in the slightest. This might be the ruin you prepared for me.
...At the worst timing, I even hear the sound of branches hitting the window. I glared at the window, waiting for someone to pour out all my hatred on.
"Hello, Ain. I'm late."
Giselle entered the room with confident steps, even carrying a book in her hand. Today her perfume is rose. The thick fragrance feels like it's melting my brain.
"Your illness seems completely healed. I'm glad you look well."
What the hell is she babbling about? While claiming to be my soulmate, can't she see my festering insides?
"Today I have a book I want to read with Ain...."
Before Giselle could finish, I approached first. I struck away the hand she extended to me, knocking away the book she was holding.
"You're the one who looks well, Giselle."
"When I can meet Ain, what more could I want?"
Giselle said quietly, gripping her hand scratched by my nails.
"It's fun, isn't it. Tormenting me this way is fun."
"I don't enjoy tormenting Ain. Rather, Ain, let's read the book togeth—"
"Ah, reading. I've been indulging in literature lately too. Sure, I'll fucking take that precious book of yours."
I picked up the book from the floor and threw it at Giselle. Her body flinched greatly as the spine hit her. She clutched the book she'd received from me with both hands.
"I'll read you books all you want. What else can I do for my one and only fiancée who controls my life? Should I watch you spread your legs for that Victor bastard or whatever?"
Giselle answered expressionlessly:
"I won't give my purity to anyone but Ain."
"But you let him touch your hand just fine. I can't forget those white gloves that bastard was holding when you got out of the carriage."
"That's a misunderstanding, Ain. If you knew how much I refused—"
I pressed my index finger repeatedly into Giselle's chest as I spoke:
"It's okay, Giselle. I'll understand that you're promiscuous. Because I don't give a fuck. Whether you're sucking and licking someone, fucking them. I don't give a flying fuck. Understand? It's Iris. The one I chose. The one I picked to spend my whole life with is my Unnie. Not Giselle, but Iris, who I spent twice as much time with."
"Lady Iris can't love you as much as I do, Ain."
A voice as calm as Giselle's expression returned.
"She loves me enough that I don't even think about someone like you. Look at my eyes, Giselle. Hm? If these aren't the eyes of someone in love, what are they?"
"They look like the eyes of an unhappy person, Ain."
"Stop that fucking way of talking, I'm telling you.... For the first time. In this life."
"If you're very angry...."
—Bang!
I kicked the window where Giselle stood. When I withdrew my foot, plaster crumbled through the footprint-shaped crack in the wall. Broken glass shards from the window pierced Giselle's shoulder and cheek, blood as red as her eyes flowing.
"Not even a blink. I know that expression well, darling. The expression you wore when you personally threw that fucking ring I wanted to melt down and pour over your blank-page face onto the stairs."
"I always look at Ain with affectionate eyes."
"But what I saw was definitely contempt. What should I do about that? I'll guess again. If I ask why you threw away the ring, you're planning to dodge it again with vague nonsense, right?"
"You can understand if we read the book together, Ain."
"See. I didn't even expect anything. I'll throw it out the window right now."
Suddenly, the pages of the book Giselle opened filled my vision. I struck away Giselle's hand from before my eyes again.
"I'm not going to play along with this kind of trick...."
⟨The token pledging eternity slowly disappears down the long staircase.⟩
"...What?"
⟨It's a silver ring blessed under the stars and moonlight.⟩
With trembling hands, I took the book Giselle held.
⟨If they overcome this trial, their bond will be tempered like spring buds after winter.⟩
"What is this?"
"It's an answer, Ain."
"What answer...?"
My voice began trembling worse than my hands. The sentences in the open book matched my most hideous nightmare perfectly. I raised my head to look at Giselle.
"I wanted a trial. A trial to temper our love even stronger, Ain."
"A trial...?"
"It was the first and last lie I told you."
Giselle pointed to the eye on the same side as my gouged one as she spoke:
"My eyes—I wore eyes that didn't love Ain."
I'd raised my gaze from the ring sparkling in the lamplight. I remember Giselle's pitiful eyes that seemed to hold sadness, or perhaps pity.
"It was agonizing. Agonizing to hide my love, Ain."
The sound of scattering pages sounds like screaming. Giselle's touch on my face feels like my blood is freezing.
"I waited. I waited for Ain to overcome the trial and return to me."
My thoughts are butchered again by her every single word.
"You're talking about... heartbreak...?"
"An interesting play on words. But it's a trial, Ain."
"The war... the war... what more was needed than that..."
Then what meaning did the war I'd devoted my entire life to have?
"My arm and eye that won't return... meant nothing to you...?"
"We have to endure it together, Ain. That's what gives it meaning."
Giselle stroked my eye and arm simultaneously with both hands. Though her skin is so cold, now the places her touch reaches burn hot.
"Not just Ain hurting, but a trial where we can hurt side by side."
"Hurt...? You... hurt...? You were agonized...?"
I couldn't believe her words claiming she'd suffered as much as I had.
"Yes, Ain. I spent nights in tears. I prayed every night for the endless waiting to end."
"You... you cried...? Do you even know what that is...?"
"I'm relieved I can confess, even if late, Ain."
If I cut her to pieces, would that mouth never open again?
"Ah, but if Ain thinks the amount of pain we bore isn't equal—"
I wish someone would just kill Giselle.
"Let's recreate that humiliation, Ain. We can go to the workshop and have it made again. This time, you throw away the ring. I'm confident I can wait a lifetime until Ain returns."
Because with these trembling hands, covering my face is all I can manage.
"That... that... fairy tale... or novel..."
Words that don't know where to go tumble out between my fingers like a blind person.
"It's a novel, Ain."
"You wanted to... imitate that novel...?"
"Yes."
Giselle answered without hesitation.
"That's... the reason for... my nightmares... the nightmares tormenting... my life... every day..."
"You have nightmares."
Giselle whispered with a faint smile:
"I'm glad. I dream of you too, Ain."