I sank deep into the living room sofa.
The TV screen was broadcasting breaking international news.
[European Union barely establishes temporary defense line on London outskirts after 3 years... Food riots intensify amid paralyzed government functions.]
[Trans-Pacific cargo ship sinks after Magical Beast attack. Escorting A-Rank Hunter party wiped out.]
I flipped the channel.
I didn't want to know about other countries' depressing situations.
Another channel was showing a domestic home shopping broadcast.
An overly enthusiastic show host was waving around a bag of imported coffee beans, spitting as he talked.
"Everyone! This is premium Colombian beans that crossed the ocean at the risk of life! Limited quantity—only 1,000 bags! 300,000 won per bag!"
A hollow laugh escaped me.
300,000 won for a bag of coffee.
No wonder imported goods prices were going insane.
It wasn't completely impossible to travel by sea or air, but it was literally gambling with your life.
If you were unlucky enough to run into a giant ocean monster or a flock of pterosaurs, you'd become a sea ghost in this world.
To transport cargo safely, you had to attach naval warships or major guild aces as escorts, layer upon layer.
Astronomical transportation costs where the remedy was more expensive than the illness.
That got tacked onto the product price, creating those insane price tags.
"Sigh."
With a deep sigh, I peeled a tangerine and shoved it in my mouth.
The sweet juice washed away the bitter taste.
Just then, the smartphone stuffed in my pocket vibrated.
The name on the screen: [Association President Park Jin-cheol].
"What."
—Tae-ho? Get over to the Association right now.
"Don't wanna. Too much trouble."
—Something amazing came up that'll make you light up with excitement. Come have lunch.
"Not going."
—If you don't come, I'm storming your penthouse? I'll call your mother in advance and ask her to make a big pot of that Korean beef I love.
A firm and underhanded threat.
When the old man went this far, it meant there was really something important.
If the old man burst through our front door, my parents would obviously make a fuss preparing an elaborate meal.
Better for me to move than watch that tiresome scene.
"Ah, seriously annoying. Fine, I'll go."
I pressed the end call button.
I tied the strings of my gray sweatpants tight.
Pulling my hood on carelessly, I threw open the balcony window.
I wrapped myself in a thick Mana Field and threw my body into the air.
I flew straight toward the Hunter Association Headquarters in Gangnam.
* * * * *
Top floor of the Association, the President's private office.
I skipped the knocking and flung the door open.
"Old man. You called?"
Deep inside the spacious office.
The heavy leather chair that had been facing the window spun around.
"Oh, Tae-ho's here. Come sit."
The old man greeted me with a good-natured smile.
In that moment, my thought process temporarily stopped.
I halted my steps and stared blankly at the old man's face.
Something was intensely off.
A man in his mid-50s whose forehead had been completely bare from excessive stress.
On that barren crown, hair as black and glossy as obsidian was sprouting thick as a lion's mane.
He had so much hair it covered half his forehead.
I narrowed my eyes.
"...Who are you. What did you do with our old man."
"Hahaha! Surprised? It's me, you punk."
The old man stood up, laughing heartily as he approached.
He plopped down on the opposite sofa.
His short legs dangled in the air.
I couldn't take my eyes off the old man's crown, my brow furrowing deeply.
"What did you do to your head. Did you pick up some animal fur and glue it on?"
"A wig or hair extensions?! Don't say such hurtful things. This is 100% pure hair grown from my own hair follicles. If you don't believe me, try pulling it yourself."
The old man thrust his thick bangs toward me.
"Why would I pull it, that's gross. Get that away. What the hell did you eat to make your hair explode like that."
"This is why I called you."
The old man cleared his throat and pushed a thick file folder across the table.
Bold letters stamped in red ink on the cover.
[Project: Ouroboros - Explosive Hair Follicle Cell Regeneration Drug Results Report]
I flipped through the report casually.
Dense chemical formulas and clinical trial data continued.
A familiar term in one corner of the ingredient list caught my eye.
"Imugi bone marrow extract?"
I looked up at the old man.
"Right. That 3km-long catastrophe-class Magical Beast you tore apart while coughing up blood on the northern front last year. That thing's bones."
"You made hair growth medicine from that beast's bones?"
"It's the result of our Association's research team grinding those bones day and night for a year."
The old man leaned back deeply into the sofa and began explaining in a heavy voice.
"That Imugi whose spine you split in half. We used the hard outer bones and solid bones for front-line defense tank armor plating. Even anti-tank missiles barely scratched it. Excellent construction material. But the problem was the spinal cord and bone marrow left inside the bones."
The old man smoothly swept back his lush bangs.
Uncontainable middle-aged confidence overflowed from the gesture.
"When the research team analyzed the remaining bone marrow, they found this thing's tenacious vitality and cell division speed were completely off the charts. When they diluted and refined it tens of thousands of times to match human DNA, a miraculous substance was born that explosively revives dead hair follicle cells."
I couldn't even manage a hollow laugh at the absurdity.
One year ago.
The northern front where rain and wind raged insanely.
The pain of ribs crumbling when I took a direct hit from the Imugi's tail and was slammed into a cliff face.
The disgusting smell of blood that filled my mouth and the fear of death.
That horrific calamity I'd ground my entire body's bones to shred had been reborn as medicine that merely grew hair for neighborhood uncles.
"I caught that beast grinding my bones to dust. The world really does turn in brutally practical ways."
"That's why I'm saying humanity's age-old problem was solved thanks to you!"
The old man slapped the table and laughed heartily.
The secretary bringing tea also had her gaze fixed on the old man's crown.
"If you sell this overseas, you'll rake in money. Bald tycoons and politicians will line up."
"Unfortunately, we can't export it."
The old man clicked his tongue as he picked up his teacup.
"Even if we wanted to sell it, the routes are a mess. To send one container ship across the ocean, you need a full setup with a naval fleet and A-Rank Hunter escorts. The remedy costs more than the illness."
"It's expensive medicine, so you'd still profit after transportation costs."
"The problem is the buyers are also in terrible shape."
The old man added dryly, chin propped on his hand.
"Weak nations in South America and Africa already got eaten by monsters and perished. Even powerful nations like the US and Europe have their budgets drained blocking Gates in their territories and rebuilding collapsed cities. With their countries half-destroyed and refugees overflowing the streets, what insane government would buy imported medicine worth hundreds of millions to cure baldness."
He was right.
Except for Korea, which survived intact thanks to my solo defense, the entire world was still floundering in the swamp of reconstruction.
They had no capacity to worry about external matters.
"So you're releasing it all domestically?"
"Since trade is difficult anyway, let's release this miracle drug generously domestically to boost public morale. Conveniently, we have more than enough energy thanks to the byproducts you swept up."
The old man smiled broadly.
"We already recovered the research costs by selling the Imugi hide. If we distribute an affordable version to pharmacies, the whole country will probably flip. I'm planning to blast it on the 9 AM news tomorrow morning."
"Side effects. It's not like you wake up with snake scales growing on your head, right?"
"Clinical trials are perfectly complete. Look at my head. Not only no snake scales, but I've regained the flowing locks of my twenties."
The sight of the old man proudly shaking his head was deeply unpleasant.
I hopped off the sofa.
"Do whatever you want. Whether you make shampoo or cosmetics from Magical Beast bones, it's none of my business."
I wasn't upset or angry.
Rather, a hollow laugh escaped at how thoroughly Korean this ending was.
That brutish mass of scales ultimately being used to save people—no, to save hair.
The sight of a horrific monster that only caused destruction being absorbed so lightly into human daily life was actually quite amusing.
"Leaving already? I said have lunch before you go!"
"Lost my appetite. I'm leaving."
I waved casually and left the President's office.
The whole time I walked down the corridor, I could hear the old man humming behind me.
It was an afternoon so peaceful it was absurd.
* * * * *
The next morning.
I was buried deep in the living room sofa.
Sky-blue pajama pants covered in frills hung down to my knees.
I didn't like the getup my mother had dressed me in, but I had no energy to resist.
9 AM.
The TV screen stopped the variety show rerun and displayed a red breaking news caption.
[Breaking News. Hunter Association research team declares liberation from hair loss for all citizens!]
The news anchor's voice on screen was trembling slightly.
She was trying to maintain composure, but I could see the strength in her hand gripping the script.
Looking closely, the anchor herself had fairly advanced M-shaped hair loss.
[Last year, national savior Hunter Kang Tae-ho subjugated a 3km super-giant Magical Beast on the northern front. A miraculous hair follicle regeneration drug has been developed from substances extracted from that Imugi's bone marrow.]
Archive footage briefly showed me shoving mana into the Imugi's maw and exploding it from the inside a year ago.
After the brutal, blood-splattered fight, footage suddenly cut to researchers in white coats holding beakers and cheering.
[Zero side effects. A miraculous treatment that revives 99% of dead hair follicle cells with just one application. The Association announced they will distribute this drug to pharmacies nationwide starting tomorrow at supply price.]
In one corner of the screen, a middle-aged doctor appearing as an expert panelist trembled his glasses and spoke in an excited voice.
"This is an incredible achievement worthy of ten Nobel Prizes in Medicine! Hunter Kang Tae-ho's great strike has saved humanity from another kind of calamity!"
"Our puppy, want to eat an apple?"
Mother came out holding a plate of apples prettily carved into rabbit shapes.
I opened my mouth and chewed the apple slice mother stabbed with a fork.
The crisp texture and sweet juice spread through my mouth.
A hollow laugh burst out at how different the fuss on TV was from the peaceful tension of this living room.
—Bang!
Just then, the front door burst open as if it would break.
Father, who'd returned from his early morning soccer club, rushed in wearing a sweat-soaked uniform.
He was clutching his smartphone tightly.
"Tae-ho!! My son!! The light of South Korea!!!"
Father charged straight into the living room and scooped me up.
My 140cm feather-light body was lifted into the air.
"Ah, sweat smell. Dad, let go. Can't breathe."
"Did you see the news! Did you?! My son has finally saved even this father's lost youth!"
Father carefully set me down on the floor, then rubbed his own bare crown with both hands and shouted hurray.
"I'm pitching a tent in front of the neighborhood pharmacy at 5 AM tomorrow! Our early morning soccer club uncles' group chat is going crazy right now! Starting tomorrow, they're going to worship you as a living Buddha!"
The door opened.
Kang Ha-eun, who'd been sleeping in on the weekend, walked out with messy hair and saw the scene.
"What's all this commotion in the morning..."
"Ha-eun! Your brother has become the savior of bald people nationwide!"
"What nonsense is that. Pfft!"
After checking the TV screen caption and father's frenzied dance moves alternately, Ha-eun clutched her stomach and started rolling on the floor.
She even squeezed out tears, laughing as if she'd suffocate.
"I'm dying, seriously! Oppa's style is insane! Slashing monsters to plant hair on Dad's head! Keke!"
"Stop talking and come line up at the pharmacy with Dad tomorrow. There might be a one-bottle-per-person purchase limit!"
Father already had the determined expression of someone about to search for a tent and sleeping bag.
Mother just smiled and lightly smacked father's back.
"Oh my, how ridiculous. Our Tae-ho is tired, so stop bothering him."
Me, left in the living room.
I leaned back on the sofa again and dangled my feet.
I stabbed a rabbit apple mother had carved with a fork and put it in my mouth.
Just then, notification sounds rang repeatedly from my pocket.
[Noona Park So-jin: Yoㅋㅋㅋ I'm dying seriouslyㅋㅋㅋㅋ My husband was bedridden from stress-related hair loss, but he's sobbing after watching the newsㅋㅋㅋ]
[Noona Park So-jin: ㅋㅋㅋ I'll buy you meat later!!]
[Seol-a: Hero!! My father just saw the news and bowed deeply in your direction!! Thank you!! ㅠㅠㅠ]
Perfect pandemonium.
It was a total chaos party.
I casually tossed my smartphone into a corner of the sofa.
But I quite liked this commotion filled with sweet apple fragrance instead of the bloody smell of life-and-death battlefields.
Whether the blood I shed smoothed wrinkles for Gangnam ladies or covered father's bare crown in black, it was none of my business.
Dazzling morning sunlight poured in through the window.
However the world turned, as long as this annoying, noisy penthouse daily life continued, that was enough.
