Rutess.
When you confessed to me in the classroom, I thought it was a lie.
It was so unreal that I thought I'd misheard you.
But you really had confessed.
My heart pounded, and my head buzzed.
Honestly, I hesitated a lot at first.
The reason was… well…
Could I really allow myself to start something?
My future had already been decided—the Mage Tower—
and there was less than a year left.
Could I, who had never even made a friend, let alone dated anyone, actually hold a conversation with you?
I was afraid.
…
Even so, I was curious about this feeling.
This aching sensation that kept coming over me whenever I looked at you—what on earth was it?
If I never found out, I'd probably spend the rest of my life wondering.
I decided to think of it as a chance given to me by fate, and I accepted your confession.
That Saturday, when I called for you and we walked together.
Your hand was large and warm.
That same warmth from two years ago came through, unchanged.
When I opened my eyes and turned my head, there you were,
and whenever your warmth drifted through the breeze and reached me, my heart grew calm.
I think that walk that day was a truly pleasant one.
Beron… was it?
When that insect of a person—whose name I didn't even know—started spouting nonsense at you, something boiled up inside me.
Was that anger?
Normally, I would have simply ignored someone I'd never bother associating with.
But when I let that anger out, it felt surprisingly not bad.
Refreshing, even.
That was a first for me, too.
In the hallway, when you came to me first and took my hand and we walked together—that brief moment—you probably didn't know, but my heart was pounding like mad.
When I held your hand tightly, I felt good for reasons I couldn't explain.
And when we parted at the stairs and that warmth disappeared, I felt strangely empty.
'…'
Ironically, in that short time we spent together, I could feel it—Rutess, your warmth seeping into me.
But you know.
You still looked uncomfortable.
Your steps were a little awkward, and you kept glancing at me.
Was something wrong with me? Was I making you uncomfortable?
I tried to think it through and fix it, but it wasn't easy.
Maybe… there was a passing thought.
…It doesn't matter.
Chess.
It was a game I'd briefly touched when I first enrolled at the academy, for a general studies course,
but I started studying it again because I wanted to spend more time with you.
It was difficult.
I was so bad at it that I was embarrassed even by my own standards.
I kept wondering why I only ever showed you this side of myself—and then I happened to glance at your expression while you were playing.
The look on your face when you were concentrating.
I really loved that look.
Whenever I asked about something I didn't understand, you lit up and explained it to me with ease.
Those were the expressions I'd been wanting to see.
They reminded me of that composed, unhurried look you had during the entrance exam.
…
At first, I was curious.
Why had you confessed to me?
If you'd confessed, why did you keep seeming uncomfortable around me?
Could this relationship even last?
I thought about it for a long time.
But I've decided I don't care anymore.
Seeing that expression made me realize.
I wanted to see more of it.
If there's something making you uncomfortable around me, I'll find out what it is.
And then I'll break it apart.
Whatever it turns out to be, it doesn't matter.
I want to keep watching you, by my side, for a long time.
Because I like you, Rutess.
* * *
In the library, Elline cupped my face in both hands and lifted it toward her.
Then she looked into my eyes and spoke.
She said she wanted to watch me, by her side.
"…"
My heart leapt.
Had I ever seen her face this close before?
I could feel her breath, and every tiny movement of her eyes was visible to me.
"Rutess."
"… Yeah?"
"Answer me."
There was no tremor in her voice.
She simply looked at me with quiet eyes that said she would leave everything to my answer.
It was a first.
Hearing someone say they liked me.
My friends would never say something like that.
And at home, I was essentially a forgotten child.
Even when I was bedridden with a high fever, or when I broke my leg, there was nothing but the perfunctory care of servants.
My family paid me no attention whatsoever.
Was it because I was the second son?
*'You use magic?'*
My father, who had never shown the slightest interest in me, had his eyes light up the moment he heard I could use magic—and promptly sent me off to the academy.
Then he told me to come back and support my older brother.
So it was a first.
Hearing someone say they liked me.
I thought she was far too good for someone like me.
And yet, ironically, I was glad.
I had no idea why Elline would go this far for me.
No matter how hard I thought, no memory came to mind.
Even so.
"Elline."
"Yes."
"I haven't touched my studies in a while."
"I know."
"My grades are pretty low. Bringing them up is going to be hard."
"That's fine."
"… I might take time away from your studying."
Elline replied, unfazed.
"I don't mind."
"…"
"Answer me."
Even so—
if there was a path already set for me, maybe just once…
just once, it wouldn't hurt to pour everything into it.
"… I'll try."
I nodded.
Elline's hands tightened around my face.
Her hands were trembling faintly, and I felt my head tremble with them.
"Thank you, Rutess."
She smiled, ever so faintly.
It wasn't that the corners of her mouth turned up—her entire eyes curved into a soft arc.
"…"
She slowly lifted her hands from my cheeks.
Between us, as always, there was only silence—but it was a different kind of silence now, one with a quiet ease to it.
"… Was it obvious that I was uncomfortable?"
"Very."
"I'm sorry."
So it had been that obvious.
I'd tried my best to hide it, but I suppose there was nothing to be done.
At my apology, she began tidying up the chessboard as though it were nothing.
"Rutess."
"Yeah."
"Starting today, study in the library every evening until I arrive."
Every evening,
until she arrived.
"Every day?"
"Yes."
I'd expected something like this, but to have it start this fast, to be faced with it right now—
"Understood…"
Before I'd even finished answering, Elline turned her head and began scanning the densely packed shelves.
"Follow me."
I got up from my seat and fell into step behind her, trailing along dutifully.
The main stacks on the first floor, reached by descending along the branch, were vast enough that one could easily get lost.
But Elline moved through them as if she were taking a casual stroll, tapping the spines of books and reading their titles with practiced ease.
"This one."
Thud.
She set a book on top of me.
"This one."
Thud.
Another one.
She kept finding books and stacking them on me, building a tower,
and barely a few minutes into browsing the stacks, I was already holding up seven volumes.
"Elline, this is too many—"
"That's all."
She placed one final book on top with a thud, and I felt the weight suddenly press down.
My back okay?
"You need to read all of those before the next midterm."
"The next midterm?"
That was the soonest exam coming up.
The problem, of course, was that it was barely a month away.
Read all these books in a month…
…
"Is that even possible?"
A month? I couldn't finish this much in two months.
"It's possible."
Short and certain.
Elline calmly tapped the book at the very bottom of the pile—the first one she'd chosen.
"Start with this one. Read it today."
"That might be a bit—"
"Read it."
"Okay."
I nodded without another word,
and just like that, after two years, I started studying again.
The goal: make it into Alpha Class.
*'… Seriously?'*
Even I couldn't believe it.
A world I'd always thought of as somewhere else entirely, one I hadn't so much as glanced at in two years.
I'd gotten swept up in the moment and agreed to Elline's terms before I knew what I was doing.
*I regret this.*
Was it even possible?
I didn't know.
But what could I do—I'd have to try.
…
After classes ended, I returned to the library.
The afternoon library, outside of exam season, was nearly empty—even more sparse than it had been at noon.
The great tree at the center held the fading light of the sunset, glowing a deep amber, and lamps were beginning to flicker on one by one.
It was beautiful in its own way.
I sat down at a corner table and opened the book Elline had told me to read.
*Magic Theory and Fundamentals.*
From the content and structure, it seemed to be based on what first-years were taught.
The moment I turned to the first page, my eyes narrowed.
I stared at the dense, tightly packed text—and closed the book again.
*This really doesn't seem right.*
I could read it, sure, but the question was when I'd ever finish it.
I'd be lucky to get through ten pages.
This was an old tome that had to be several hundred pages thick.
Should I just close it?
Should I give up now while I still could?
*'I like you, Rutess.'*
…
My heart fluttered again.
*'… Oh, come on.*
She'd said that to me with her face that close.
Who in that situation would have said no?
"Haah…"
I steadied myself and began to read.
The fundamentals I'd started on were all things I already knew, text I'd already seen before—
but reading them like this, something felt new about it.
Not that it was interesting, of course.
New doesn't automatically mean enjoyable.
I'd read through several pages when, before I knew it, the dark night sky had settled outside, and the lamps inside the library burned bright, filling the space with a warm, late-evening atmosphere.
And I was turning pages with a head that felt like it was overheating.
*Please, someone save me.*
Somewhere along the way, the words had stopped registering and I was reading purely on momentum.
"Rutess."
A welcome voice.
I turned my head. Elline had arrived, bag in hand, apparently done with her classes for the day.
"You're finished?"
She shifted her gaze to the book I'd been reading.
Then, naturally, she pulled a chair beside mine and sat down.
"How much did you read?"
"… Mm."
I'd read a fair amount, but I'd just been grinding through it mechanically, taking in whatever my eyes landed on.
"Not that much, actually, it seems."
At my words, Elline leaned in slowly and set her bag down beside her.
"Then just read up to here for today."
She opened the book to a page.
About fifty pages' worth.
"You can do that, right?"
*You can do that, right.*
Honestly, I wanted to throw the whole thing out the window right then and there,
but Elline's eyes were so resolute that I couldn't bring myself to refuse.
Right, fifty pages… I'd manage.
"… I'll try."
I slowly began reading again.
Elline watched me for a moment, then turned away and pulled out her own work, opening a book of her own.
It was impressive—she'd just come from class and was already focused.
*She really is something.*
In the end, I followed her lead and went back to reading,
turning page after page.
Time passed.
By the time I reached the page she'd named, the library held only the two of us.
*… Done.*
I let out a quiet, private cheer,
and turned to whisper to Elline.
"I finished."
She set down her quill, mid-scratch, and turned her head.
She tucked her hair behind her ear and confirmed that I'd read up to the page she'd assigned.
"… Well done."
Elline offered quiet praise.
Praise.
Not bad.
More than not bad—my shoulders lifted just slightly.
Well, of course they did, coming from her.
*Better head home soon.*
I closed the book at a leisurely pace and savored the wave of relief washing over me.
That was actually manageable.
*Yeah, well, something like that…*
Swish—
In that instant,
I felt something brush my cheek.
Soft and faintly moist.
…?
I slowly raised my hand to my cheek.
There was a trace of dampness, faint but unmistakable.
"…Huh?"
Caught completely off guard, I turned my head.
Elline sat there, cheeks flushed, wearing a faint smile.
Just now—
the moment I'd closed the book, her silhouette had drawn close.
And touched my cheek.
Her lips.
Brief, but soft.
As the situation began to register,
my heart started pounding like mad.
"Elline… did you just—"
"Rutess."
She covered her mouth with her hand and rested her chin on it.
"I'll do that every fifty pages."