The next morning, Giselle didn't ask about my wet clothes.
Nor about why I'd climbed into her bed.
Instead, the moment she opened her eyes, she clung to me and whined for a kiss.
"Kiss me."
"No."
I refused, not wanting to feel unpleasant right after waking up.
I had Giselle dry my uniform that failed to escape yesterday's rain.
We rode together in a carriage toward the Academy.
*Rattle*
The air was still damp and cool, but the sun shone more clearly than usual.
The early morning breeze slowly dried the glistening wet ground.
The interior of the Evergreen family carriage was narrower than ours.
Though that wasn't why Giselle was clinging to my side.
"Why don't you sit across from me."
"We've always sat like this when we rode together.
Oh, or would you prefer I sit on your lap?"
I reflexively raised my hand, then looked in the direction Giselle was pointing.
In the driver's seat, the coachman and servant were conversing.
Others—her servants, no less.
She knew full well I couldn't push her away freely in front of them.
I forced a smile and said:
"...The seat beside me is satisfying enough, isn't it, darling?"
"It's a shame, but we'll be together all day at the Academy anyway. Yes, I'll be satisfied."
My blood pressure's rising this early.
Giselle was skilled at assessing others and her environment, then exploiting them.
Despite her eccentric manner of speech and personality, it was one reason she drew attention at the Academy.
Academic performance that never left the top tier.
Magic skills so outstanding it was hard to distinguish her from the Imperial mages.
And her uniquely cold, mysterious appearance also claimed a large share of the attention she received.
Despite refusing to attend school more often than I did after the war, and all sorts of bizarre behavior, Giselle had never once been disciplined.
Well, it was also thanks to the Count who cherished his daughter like the apple of his eye.
"I want to hold your hand."
But to me now, Giselle was just a bitch who couldn't take a hint.
I answered quietly enough that only she could hear her nonsense.
"Tone it down a bit..."
Giselle spoke much louder than her usual voice, loud enough not to be drowned out by the carriage wheels.
"We're 'affectionate lovers,' aren't we?
A one-and-only couple who holds hands without hesitation."
"...Stop dragging your feet and just grab it already."
"Your hand is cold. I'm worried you might have caught a cold."
I puffed away on a cigarette as I felt Giselle's ice-cold fingers intertwine with mine.
Still, I was the one holding the reins in the end.
Even without her begging, I'd planned to initiate arm-linking or hugging at the Academy myself.
The carriage gave a big jolt and arrived at the Academy's main gate.
The gate at this early hour was quiet except for honor students brimming with academic fervor.
I got off the carriage and walked holding Giselle's hand, which still wouldn't let go.
Past male students stifling yawns, all the way to the front of the main building where crowds gathered.
I deliberately chose only the most conspicuous routes.
Around the time we pushed through a group emerging from the dormitory—
"...Isn't that the bastard child?"
Finally, the reaction I wanted began to be heard.
"Didn't he break up with Giselle?"
The disgusting murmuring of gossip-loving crowds.
"You asshole, you said he committed suicide last time."
"No... I only heard it as a rumor..."
"Wow, fuck, he's got some nerve. How can he date a cripple?"
"Watch your mouth, you idiot. If they didn't break up, the disownment must be a false rumor too."
I could feel the familiar gazes of envy and jealousy stabbing into my back.
I deliberately walked slowly, giving them time to chatter.
This was my first time playing attention seeker, and it felt fucking awful.
How did I endure these gazes and noise without alcohol or cigarettes when I lived as Ain?
Unlike me, Giselle seemed to be in a good mood.
Whatever others said, she just seemed happy to walk holding my hand.
Her face was expressionless as always, but her steps were unusually light.
When we reached the annex where no one passed by, I let go of Giselle's hand.
No need to play lovers anymore, so I pulled out a cigarette and spoke in my usual tone.
"I have business to take care of alone, so fuck off for a bit."
"Let's go together."
"I said alone. Go sit in on any class."
"It's meaningless unless I'm with you."
I looked around briefly.
Confirming the gazes had disappeared, I grabbed her by the collar and kissed her.
When I pulled away, Giselle touched her lips as if disappointed.
"Even if you don't want it, if you wait, we'll be together plenty.
You promised to behave."
"...Okay. But have lunch with me."
"Fine. Wait in front of the main building."
I gave Giselle a perfunctory send-off and entered the annex.
I spat her saliva that I'd been holding in my mouth onto the ground before going in.
This should be a place I used to frequent more than my own home.
The narrow corridor and empty classrooms felt very unfamiliar.
Maybe because I tried so hard to forget, confident I'd never visit again.
As always, the annex was quiet.
Removed from commotion and attention, silent as a mouse.
I stood before the stained glass reflecting and sparkling brilliantly in the sunlight.
I wasn't nervous.
Because the reason to hesitate had disappeared.
I knocked softly and entered the prayer room where the stained glass glittered.
I looked around at the cross in front, the confessional in the corner, and between the hard pews.
"Mmm..."
I spotted the nun fast asleep with her usual terrible sleeping habits, tossing and turning with a shabby single blanket covering her body.
I sat on a pew and cleared my throat rather loudly.
Mace finally sensed someone's presence and began rubbing her eyes drowsily.
"Who..."
I waited for her blue eyes to fully open and recognize me.
Mace's drowsy eyelids slowly widened.
She seemed to have finally fully identified the figure before her.
Mace's disheveled posture stiffened in an instant.
I watched as she rose from her bedding and approached me.
"...Have we met somewhere before?"
I gazed quietly at her trembling eyes and body.
Despite her sleepwear revealing much skin, she showed no embarrassment.
Her curiosity about the sudden visitor's identity seemed far greater.
I spread both arms wide and said:
"Mace."
"...You even know my name."
"Could you just hug me without asking anything?"
"...Whaaaat?!"
Mace stared at me with a flustered expression.
That suspicious look wasn't familiar.
Maybe that was too much of a stretch.
Demanding a hug from someone I'm meeting for the first time.
Mace took another step toward me.
Just as I thought she'd be angry, she muttered:
"...You mustn't misunderstand.
This is merely bestowing the Holy Spirit upon you."
"Of course."
Her hesitantly extending arms wrapped around my shoulders.
Mace's body heat touching mine after so long was incomparably warm.
When I gently pulled her into an embrace, her body flinched.
"I must be crazy... I'm hugging someone whose name I don't even know right now..."
"You said it was bestowing the Holy Spirit."
"...You know that's not true."
"I'm not sure. A nun hugging a man she's never met before in a sacred prayer room."
"Aah... The Lord is definitely watching..."
I chuckled softly hearing Mace's sighing lament.
Mace puffed out her cheeks and pulled back slightly from me.
"There? I hugged you like you asked.
Now tell me who you are!"
"Someone who admires you, Sister.
I'm overjoyed that my one-sided love has finally been fulfilled."
Hearing my confession, Mace's expression as she blushed and her eyes spun in circles was refreshing.
One regrettable thing was that I didn't stir at all in her warmth.
Like a sting, like a ache. I felt pain piercing one corner of my heart.
I was faintly glad to see those lips beginning to smile.
Her attitude of ultimately embracing me despite hesitation was cute too.
But I didn't feel love.
I could no longer love her, who had shown me unconditional kindness.
That day, the moment I slit my veins.
That time I struggled in malice.
My love that suffocated still hadn't returned.
'Well, that figures.'
At least I could face her without hesitation now.
At least I wouldn't avoid her while carrying guilt.
After hesitating for a while, Mace began questioning again.
"...What's your name?"
A question reminiscent of our first meeting in the classroom.
But unlike then, her tone was guarded.
Because this time the relationship started with unnatural contact.
And I was the one who approached first, not Mace.
"It's Ain. I'll be coming to your classes often from now on, Mace."
"...You haven't even attended my class yet.
How do you know about me?"
"I stalked you because I like you, Sister.
If you want, I can even tell you what underwear you're wearing right now..."
"Waaah!! Stop!!"
My mouth was blocked by small hands.
Only after a while did Mace, who'd stopped fuming, ask quietly:
"...Is that really all?"
"Yes."
"Then why do I feel concerned the moment I see someone whose name I didn't even know until now?"
"You must have fallen for me at first sight. Oh dear, you're disqualified as clergy."
"If you keep joking around like that, I'm going to get angry."
I grabbed Mace's wrist as she tried to move away.
I sat her on my lap, which Giselle had wanted so badly.
Despite her still-puffed cheeks and words feigning sullenness, her attitude was docile.
I stroked her brown, curly hair and said:
"Does the catalyst matter?"
"Let me go. I'll scream."
"You're lying."
"...You're right."
Mace answered obediently while pouting her lips.
I tucked her disheveled hair behind her ear.
Mace flinched, unable to quite refuse the hand touching her body.
"Just think of it as a fateful encounter or something."
"...You won't tell me the catalyst to the end?"
Instead of answering, I pulled out a cigarette, put it in my mouth, and struck a match against the chair.
Mace's eyes looked dumbfounded.
After a moment, she sighed and sat beside me, saying:
"If you smoke in the prayer room... Haah... I don't know..."
"I'll be careful next time."
"Do whatever you want... I must be crazy...
Maybe I really am disqualified as clergy like you said..."
"I'd prefer if you'd call me Mr. Ain."
"...I'll think about it."
Mace stared at me joking around for a long while with eyes that still hadn't shed their suspicion.
Soon she gave up and sighed again.
"...Divinity Studies classes usually start in the afternoon."
"I told you I'm a stalker. I know."
"Are you really going to attend?
My classes are notorious for being boring..."
"It's fine because looking at your face is fun, Sister."
"...Do you treat other women like this too?"
"No. I only act like this with you, Sister."
"That's so annoying, really..."
I stood up, leaving Mace blushing and averting her gaze.
"I have business today, so I'll come starting tomorrow.
I look forward to working with you, Mace."
"...I look forward to it too, Mr. Ain."
'That look is quite a delicacy in its own way.'
I thought as I left the prayer room.
Obviously, I didn't visit the prayer room just to seduce Mace.
Even though I missed that warmth, I knew well I could no longer take refuge in it.
The moment I opened and closed the door, I started running toward the retreating presence.
No need to worry about losing them.
Since the annex was deserted, I could follow footsteps easily enough.
Behind a classroom door, here.
Breathing that couldn't be hidden in the rush to escape my sight came from behind the door.
*Bang*
I kicked it, door and all.
I approached the familiar face that had tumbled down with the fallen door.
As expected. One of Max's gang.
The bastard who stuck a note on Mace's back and ran in the last cycle.
I crouched in front of the guy who still couldn't get his bearings.
"Didn't anyone teach you not to eavesdrop, you fucking bastard?"
"Wha... What are you talking about... I was just..."
"Big Sis sent you, didn't she?"
The guy broke into a cold sweat and clamped his mouth shut.
I asked again to confirm.
Though I already knew everything.
"It's Iris, isn't it? She ordered you to tail me."