I returned to the dormitory and opened a book.
"…"
Maybe it was because the first book Elline had given me was extraordinarily difficult.
The other books she'd distributed felt considerably easier to work through.
I could feel in my bones the method of someone who had studied endlessly,
and the more I felt it, the more grateful I became—knowing she had carved out her own time to look after me.
Of course, the guilt grew in equal measure.
*'When you're no longer shaken'*
Elline's voice lingered at the edge of my hearing.
Had she noticed how anxious I'd been?
It was her way of encouraging me to stand tall before myself—but the more I thought about it, the smaller I felt.
*'Come to think of it…'*
I'd almost never done anything on my own terms.
At some point I'd grown so tired that other people's gazes and opinions had gone numb to me,
but when I was born and growing up, I'd been acutely aware of the eyes around me.
I'd simply been so starved of attention, living neglected by my family, that even the smallest scraps of interest from them sent me scrambling.
And in the end, the reason I'd come to this academy at all was purely my father's ambition.
*'…'*
For someone like me, Elline had shown me a path.
*'Would you like to come up to Alpha Class?'*
*'You can do it.'*
…
"Yeah."
I'll try, Elline.
I don't want to disappoint you.
I want to stand beside you again with my head held high—to meet your eyes properly, and talk.
Even if the ending turns out to be a tragedy.
Even so, I'm ready to accept it.
Because from the very beginning, I was born…
…
I pushed the thoughts away.
I read through the book slowly.
My head still throbbed, but I didn't want to stop.
The road ahead was still long.
Even so—keep going.
That night, the light in the room stayed on for a long, long time.
After making my promise to Elline and swearing something to myself, I found myself opening books more and more often,
and things I'd once dismissed as impossibly difficult began, little by little, to feel familiar.
My friends each had their own reaction to seeing me actually study.
"…What is wrong with you? Are you serious?"
Ross, who'd heard the news from Edgar, came to the library during lunch and stared at me with an expression of pure disbelief.
"What."
"No, I mean—are you actually studying?"
"Can't you tell?"
Ross quietly pressed his palm to his forehead.
When I looked up, his face was a tangle of betrayal and something else entirely.
"…Damn. So people really do change."
When I thought about it, this whole thing had started because of him.
"Ross."
"What?"
"…Never mind."
I felt something complicated stir inside me.
Should I resent him, or…
No. Let's not go down that road.
"Good grief. Can't exactly stop a man who's decided to study."
Ross grumbled to the last, clearly reluctant, before Edgar finally dragged him out—and I was able to turn my attention back to the book.
Edgar, for his part, didn't seem particularly bothered either way.
Kain, whenever we ran into each other, only ever asked, *"So how far along are things with her?"*—his interest firmly fixed on the romantic side of things.
And then there was—
"Good thinking."
Balrod had the most positive reaction of anyone to my decision.
"What's done is done. If you want to handle it well, that's the right way to go about it."
"You think so?"
"Obviously. Do you know what people say first when your name comes up?"
"That I'm in Beta?"
Balrod nodded.
"Like it or not, you're going to be gossip. And if you're in Beta, the conversation isn't going to be flattering."
"I don't really care about people talking behind my back."
"The problem is that Elline gets dragged into it too."
I stopped reading and looked up.
Balrod spoke in his usual even tone, as though simply stating facts.
"The talk will never stop—Elline won't be exempt from it, and because of you, there'll probably be even more."
"…"
"So you have to prove it yourself. That you have what it takes to stand by her side."
There was weight behind Balrod's words.
In the end, no matter how kind a person was, no matter how good their character—the first thing the academy looked at was rank.
The difference between Alpha and Beta shaped how people were seen from the very first impression.
"Are people still giving you trouble?"
"Not trouble exactly, but I feel a lot of eyes on me."
No one had directly picked a fight with me so far.
But I'd often caught people staring openly, or smirking at me as I passed.
To them, I was probably just entertaining gossip.
"Anyway, if there's anything I can help with, say the word."
"Thanks, Balrod."
He gave a short, quiet laugh and stood up.
"Though I'm not sure how much help I'd be—your girlfriend is rather exceptional, after all."
Just as Balrod said, every evening Elline was seated beside me without fail.
She was only sitting there, and yet her presence was immense.
"Elline."
"Mm."
"This part here…"
Whenever I hit a wall while reading and studying, I'd ask her.
"I keep getting the formula wrong, but I can't figure out where."
Elline's eyes moved slowly over my work and the problem, as if scanning every line—
"Here. The formula connection is wrong—it should link downward, not upward."
What had taken me twenty minutes of struggling, she resolved in under three.
And when I'd glance over to see what she was working on—
*Wow.*
She was writing out some impossibly complex spell formula that I couldn't make heads or tails of.
Our majors were different, sure, but to understand absolutely none of it—
*Is this even the same language?*
She was clearly using the same imperial script I used, and yet it was completely incomprehensible to me.
"…Why are you looking?"
She must have noticed my gaze, because Elline glanced over.
"Oh, sorry—I was just curious."
Had I disturbed her?
I quickly turned away, and she quietly set down her quill.
"Rutess, shall we take a short break?"
She probably wasn't tired herself—I could tell she was doing it for my sake.
"…Sure."
A few minutes of rest.
Those moments of letting an overheated mind cool down were genuinely peaceful.
And now, as if it had become habit, Elline naturally reached under the table and took my hand.
In the quiet stillness, feeling each other's warmth—neither of us spoke anymore. We'd both grown used to this.
We only communicated through the faint, restless movements of our fingers.
I liked this warmth, shared in the middle of a languid, comfortable rest.
*It tickles.*
"Hey."
"Mm."
Elline broke the silence.
"Has anyone been approaching you lately?"
It was a somewhat out-of-nowhere question.
Approaching me?
"No?"
Even as I said it, someone came to mind.
Rui.
A few days ago she'd come to me asking to speak with Elline, but I'd turned her down.
Was that who Elline was thinking of?
But that felt too long ago to bring up now, and since then we'd only crossed paths in the hallway—nothing worth mentioning.
"…I see."
Elline seemed to relax slightly, but she tightened her grip on my hand.
"Anyone acting strangely toward you?"
She must have caught wind of the rumors circulating about us.
She didn't care for herself—she was worried I might be the one to suffer.
I was grateful.
"It's fine, nothing so far."
Well, there had been the occasional bump in the hallway or someone blocking my path—whether intentional or not—but nothing serious. I didn't want to worry her over something so trivial.
"If anything does happen, tell me."
"Why? So you can punish them?"
I asked with a loose, half-joking laugh.
I obviously wouldn't actually go running to her, but imagining Elline getting angry and scolding someone was almost funny.
*…Elline, angry.*
How would she even do it?
I was in the middle of that amusing mental image when Elline slowly turned her head from where she'd been leaning back in her chair.
Her expression was blank, but there was something cool in her eyes as she looked at me.
"I won't punish them."
"No?"
That was the obvious answer, really.
Elline wasn't the type to be ruled by emotion, and she certainly wasn't someone who'd lash out over a few words—
"I'll make sure they can't walk for a while."
"Sorry?"
The words sent an involuntary chill through me. I turned to look at her, and Elline was simply staring back at me, expression unchanged.
That's a joke, right?
Making someone unable to walk—
*Could she…actually do that?*
A memory surfaced unbidden.
The look on Elline's face the first time we'd eaten together—what she'd shown Beron, the expression she'd worn.
Thinking back on it now, it really had been unsettling.
No, it's a joke. It has to be.
"Rutess."
"…What?"
Elline said it without blinking.
"I'm not joking."
…
That's terrifying.
Right. Elline would never joke about something like that.
"…Okay."
She released my hand, straightened in her seat, and returned to her composed expression as if nothing had happened, picking up her quill again.
"Shall we get back to it?"
Yes.
I nodded vigorously on the inside and opened my book as calmly as I could manage.
And quietly began to pray.
*Please, no one come near me.*
For your sake, not mine.
"Phew."
By the time I finished the quota Elline had set, my head felt like it had gone past overheating—I could practically feel the heat radiating off it.
"Good work."
"…No, it's the least I could do."
Elline had been studying just as long, and yet her expression hadn't shifted once.
I always thought it, but she was truly remarkable.
*…Does Elline's head ever get hot?*
Maybe because her hair was silver, I had this vague sense that her head must be cool to the touch too.
Click—
The light that had been pouring down over her went out.
"Time's up."
The library lights beginning to switch off meant closing time.
We gathered our things and stood.
The weekend was two days away.
*Come to think of it…*
"Elline, are you going to the North Courtyard this weekend too?"
Ever since we'd started dating, I'd spent every weekend walking with her.
And the destination was always the North Courtyard.
"Mm."
She'd never said why she liked it there, but I figured it was probably because it was the least crowded spot on campus, with the most natural surroundings.
There was somewhere I'd been wanting to show her.
"Then would you be willing to go where I suggest this time?"
Elline paused mid-pack and looked up.
"Where you suggest?"
Did she not like the idea?
"If it's inconvenient, we don't have to—"
"No."
She said it firmly.
"I want to go."
Her answer was positive, and I felt relieved—but also nervous.
Would she like it?
"We have the same elective tomorrow… I'll tell you then."
"All right."
Talking as we went, we left the library together.
"See you tomorrow, then."
"Rutess."
"Mm?"
She stepped closer.
And carefully—
Swish—
A pleasant shampoo scent drifted over me and my whole body went still,
and once again I felt something soft brush against my cheek.
"You read fifty pages."
"…"
She turned and walked away.
I always thought it, but I still hadn't gotten used to this.
If anything, my head felt even hotter than before.
The next day—
"Did you hear? The academic schedule changed."
"Don't even get me started—practical training next week, out of nowhere."
The hallway was buzzing.
Something significant had happened, and the main topic going around seemed to be that the academy's academic calendar had been revised.
*When compressing mana, the key is to…*
My head was too occupied sorting through yesterday's material to pay much attention, so I let it pass without thinking much of it.
*Oh right, Edgar asked me to bring him a book later.*
Thud—
I must have been walking with too much focus, because my eyes dropped to a pair of shoes planted directly in my path.
Shoes scrawled with red and blue doodles.
Painfully vivid.
"Oh, sorry."
I apologized and moved to step around them—
Thud—
Those same shoes stepped in front of me again.
*…A fight?*
There had been plenty of people who'd nudged my shoulder in passing or gotten in my way, but someone blocking me this openly was a first.
A mild irritation rose in me, but—
Elline's words from yesterday came back.
*'I'll make sure they can't walk for a while.'*
Right. Stay calm.
Better to slip past quietly.
"Excuse me—"
"Hi there!"
Thump.
A bright, cheerful voice rang out.
I slowly raised my head, and a girl was standing there.
"You're Rutess, right?"
The morning light streaming through the window fell warmly across the girl's pink hair, and the smile on her face was as clear and open as anyone I'd ever seen—
Something about that pure, unblemished expression made the hair on the back of my neck stand up on instinct.
"…Yeah, hi."
I managed to breathe out a greeting, and the girl smiled and clapped her hands together.
"Good morning! Oh—was it weird that I came up to you like this out of nowhere?"
Her expression shifted to something apologetic as she looked up at me.
"No, it's fine."
I kept my voice as even as I could, but for some reason a cold sweat had started on my back.
"Really? That's a relief! Do you know who I am?"
The girl pointed to herself with a grin.
Of course I do.
With looks that vivid, there was no way not to notice her.
"Sereen…"
Sereen Rugvida.
"Oh, you know me! That makes me happy… hehe."
She smiled warmly and glanced around me.
"Where's Elline? You're not together?"
"…No, we have different classes."
"Right, of course. Hmm…"
She stepped closer and narrowed her eyes slightly, rolling her gaze as if searching through old memories.
"Oh! Now that I look at you, I remember—you ignored me back in first year!"
Sereen pointed at me, bringing up something from long ago.
"Sorry about that, I was a bit caught off guard—"
"It's fine!"
She laughed it off as if it were nothing.
"Doesn't matter. Whether you ignored me or whatever—none of that's important. That's not why I came. It happens."
There was no malice in her voice, but when she opened and closed her fist, I felt something tighten faintly around my throat.
My breathing grew short.
"…"
"I came because I was curious about something. Nothing major, just—I heard you're dating Elline."
The bright smile began to ease, and she tilted her head, resting a finger against her chin with an expression of genuine curiosity.
"I was just wondering… you know…"
My head began to ache. My lungs felt like they were being squeezed.
A low humming sound filled my ears.
A moment passed.
Sereen met my eyes and smiled.
"If I broke your arm, I wonder what kind of reaction Elline would have?"