The calluses and scars embedded in my palms had cleanly disappeared.
My changed hands were fair and smooth, without a single wound. The hands of a noble young master raised in comfort.
I leaped out of bed and stood before the full-length mirror.
A blond pretty boy reflected in the mirror was staring at me with a sullen expression.
It was me at 19, still unable to shed my childishness.
"I really have come back."
By coincidence, I had returned to my nineteenth birthday, the day I became aware of my past life.
Letting out a hollow laugh and turning my head, I noticed a thick pile of letters stacked on the desk.
[To Azelin, my one and only star.]
[For you, I could offer everything I have....]
[If I were with you, I could even walk into a pit of fire....]
"What a load of bullshit."
The moment I saw them, my brow crumpled like a sheet of paper.
The stationery was covered with traces of writing, erasing, and scribbling over again.
It was my indelible dark history. I had stayed up all night revising love letters to send to my fiancee.
Riiip-!
I tore the letters apart indiscriminately. Scraps of paper fluttered down onto the floor like snowflakes.
Even now, I cannot understand myself.
Why had I liked a woman like Azelin before I became aware of my past life?
What did I like so much that I cried, pleaded, clung, and grabbed on so pathetically?
I thought there would be no damn romance in my future life. It was all because I had been burned by my fiancee.
I was sure I had thought so, but.
-Make me love only you. It is a dream I could not fulfill in this life.
"I should have just cursed them out. That would have been easier on my mind."
Honestly, even now I could not believe it.
That I had regressed with Lucia's help? That much was sufficiently understandable.
If it was that Lucia, she could seriously have completed Time Magic.
What I could not believe was Lucia's romantic feelings.
"Does it make sense that she liked me? Not someone else, but Lucia?"
We were the kind of relationship where we bickered even on the battlefield, with more affection from fighting than from tender feelings.
If she had gotten a wild notion at the end of the world after all her men died, maybe I could understand.
The scenario that she had been secretly in love with me for a long time was unrealistic.
I had swung only a sword all my life, with not a speck of romance cells in me.
Asking someone like that to seduce me was physiologically impossible. Saving the world would be easier.
"Damn it, I will think about it later, later. First, shouldn't I save the world?"
I set aside the troublesome problem and carefully reviewed the failures of the previous first run.
After becoming aware of my past life, I left the family half a year later.
There were many reasons.
Because I thought I was treated coldly in the family. I concluded that being entangled with the family would create restrictions.
Monopolize opportunities, refine my own martial strength, and eradicate the Outer Gods' minions before they could act.
I believed that only my own overwhelming initiative was the answer to saving the world.
Indeed, I grew freely without being subordinated to anyone, and in the end I lightly surpassed even a Swordmaster.
I was even able to fight Lucia to a near draw.
However, it was a painful mistake.
I had not known that one hand cannot fend off ten hands.
Therefore, in this life, I must create my people.
Comrades who will help me save the world together.
To do that, first, Lucia--
"Damn it. So it comes back to Lucia after all?"
Thinking about her only makes my thoughts more complicated.
There is no way staying holed up in a corner of my room and only thinking will solve anything. It only makes me think more about Lucia.
I grabbed the door handle and flung it open.
"Eek!"
Just then, there was a figure passing by the front of my door.
However, she was startled by the sound of the door opening and pressed herself flat against the wall.
Soft platinum-blond hair and large eyes with a blue glow.
It was my younger sister, Celine von Kardenos.
"Oh, Brother. How have you been?"
Celine greeted me as if she were calm.
It was only an act of being calm.
The hand clutching her skirt was trembling, and her shoulders were hunched.
She did not look at me and kept her gaze lowered to the floor.
'It is a natural reaction.'
At this point, I gave Azelin everything, while I treated others like fire. I was especially harsh to Celine.
Celine was an illegitimate child before she was my younger sister.
The memory of using Celine as an emotional trash bin whenever I threw tantrums, because she was an easy target, was vivid.
"Brother?"
Over Celine's young face at 15, Celine's final appearance overlapped.
When I, who had left the family, returned again, Kardenos had already become a sea of fire.
A sea of blood and corpses in the knight order. My sister's corpse rolling on the ground. My father's corpse reduced to pieces of meat.
At the center of it all, Celine, who had become one of the Moon's Kin, was glaring at me.
I had to cut down with my own hand the sister who charged at me after losing her sense of self.
When Celine's clouded eyes regained their clear blue light.
She gently stroked my face with her blood-stained hand.
-Ah, Brother.......
Celine, who had only moved her lips, finally closed her eyes.
Her last voice became a curse and tormented me bitterly.
When I think of Celine, there is only guilt, a sense of debt, and sorry feelings.
Not only had I been cruel to her when she was young, but I left the family with that image engraved in my memory.
If only I had not left the family. If only I had returned to the family even one day earlier.
It was a futile regret. Mistakes already past could not be undone.
But not anymore.
"...?"
Pat
I placed my hand on top of her head.
***
'Why is my brother acting like this?'
Celine's blue pupils caused an earthquake.
It was a physical reflex condition that appeared immediately upon seeing Astin.
From the morning, she would hear things like the cursed illegitimate girl was in his sight, or that she was disgusting and should get out at once.
The moment their eyes met, verbal abuse was basic, and he would even throw things at her.
Yet today, strangely, he said nothing.
No sooner had she thought that than Astin placed his hand on top of her head.
"...?"
Celine forgot to breathe and cautiously looked up at him.
The pressure of the heavy hand on the crown of her head. It was clear what that meant.
'He is trying to crush my head!?'
Once her thoughts reached that point, goosebumps rose all over her skin.
She had heard rumors that his temper had grown sharp recently because he was looking for a gift for his fiancee.
Celine trembled and squeezed her eyes shut.
'Endure it. I have to endure it. If I scream, he will torment me even worse....'
Astin only kept his hand on top of her head.
For what? Was this also a new kind of harassment?
In the middle of it, she felt Astin's hand trembling slightly.
"...Huh?"
The moment Celine cautiously opened her eyes, she had no choice but to doubt her own eyes.
A single transparent tear rolled down Astin's cheek.
Celine froze, and Astin withdrew the hand he had placed on her.
Step- Step
Astin walked away without looking back. His retreating figure looked somehow lonely.
Left alone in the hallway, Celine only blinked like a fool.
"What was that?"
Had he not been trying to crush her head with his grip? Why was he leaving without doing anything? And what was that tear?
With young Celine's way of thinking, there was only one thing she could guess.
'Things did not work out with Azelin!'
They must have had a huge fight, right? Did she reject his barrage of gifts? Maybe his love letter was rejected.
Otherwise, there was no way that Astin would pitifully wipe away tears.
"Haa, I survived."
Either way, it was a tremendous relief for Celine.
On the other hand, one question remained.
Why had he grabbed her head and then obediently let go?
'Because my head is harder than I thought?'
No, no. It is not that my head is a rock head.
It was common sense that crushing a head with human grip was impossible.
Besides, Brother was someone who neglected training, wasn't he?
"...."
Wondering if that might be it, Celine tapped the crown of her head.
Tap tap.
The sound was very heavy.
"I guess it really is a rock head."
***
Afraid I might show an ugly side, I left the spot as if fleeing.
I was not originally such an emotionally rich person.
I could not even speak, afraid that if I uttered a single syllable, she would notice the watery tone in my voice.
"Well, it is understandable."
Anyone would be overcome with emotion upon seeing their dead family again.
The fact that I did not burst into loud sobs was, I thought, good emotional restraint.
At least this time, I was grateful to Lucia.
Setting aside the fact that I had pushed responsibility onto her, if it had not been for her, I would not have seen my family's faces.
-Haaah!
-Do not just block! Aim for the wrist!
Just then, a vigorous shout came from outside the window.
It was the training ground spread widely behind the castle.
"Perfect timing. I need to get my body accustomed anyway."
Hearing that sound made my body itch again.
Because it was my body from 10 years ago, it was still very awkward.
There were no calluses on my hands, so swinging a sword a few hundred times was all I could manage.
It would take a long time to adjust.
One could not become full from the first drink, after all.
I turned my steps toward the training ground.
"Hahp!"
On the dirt ground, apprentice knights exchanged sword strikes while dripping sweat.
And on the raised platform of the upper seats.
Knights who had received formal knighthood watched the sparring, and at the center sat a middle-aged man with a heavy build.
The head of the Kardenos family and my father, one of the strongest men in the empire.
Grand Duke Valdemar von Kardenos.
Seeing him, emotions surged again, but I managed to suppress them.
I took one deep breath and stepped into the place.
Thud-
At the sound of my footsteps seeping in, the knights' gazes all turned to me at once.
Naturally, their gazes were not kind.
Correction. They were tinged with blatant hostility and disgust.
It was only natural, since Astin at this point was the family's shame and a scoundrel.
Within the family, I was an idle young master who neglected training, and to Azelin alone, I was known as a pushover idiot.
Furthermore, I had once made the family's knights serve as Azelin's personal errand runners.
They were people who valued chivalry as their lives. Of course they would like that.
If my father had not been there, they would have gathered among themselves and started picking at my flaws.
"What brings you here?"
An intimidating low voice came. It was my father's voice.
At the base of his pupils lay deep disappointment and resignation, with even anger faded away.
It was a gaze I had inwardly endured.
"I just came to watch for a bit."
"Watch?"
"At first, yes. But seeing everyone sweating like that makes my body itch too."
My father's brow narrowed sharply.
"If you are going to talk nonsense, go back to your room at once. If you truly have interest, learn with your eyes."
Ignoring him, I walked steadily into the center of the training ground.
"Learning only with my eyes does not suit my temperament. I want to cross swords directly with those apprentice knights."
"This is not a place for you to interfere."
"Then is over there all right?"
Saying that, I pointed to the formal knights.
Even by my judgment, the apprentice knights would not even be a warm-up. I needed at least those men.
Of course, for now that was only my own thought.
As expected, the knights' faces twisted as if they had bitten into dung.
It was not something a pushover young master who neglected Swordsmanship training and chased only his fiancee should say.
Some hot-blooded knights stepped forward and moved their lips.
Because the family head was present, they clenched their fists tightly and desperately swallowed their anger.
'The timing is good.'
Kardenos, a renowned family of Swordsmanship in the empire, regularly encourages true-sword sparring to nurture promising knights.
It was not simple training or friendship building.
The head of the family personally awards a famed sword to the most outstanding apprentice knight, and knighting ceremonies are sometimes held with that famed sword.
For those who dreamed of becoming formal knights, it was an opportunity for social advancement.
"I do not need a famed sword or a knighting ceremony."
Oops.
After saying that, I slapped my lips.
Twitch!
The knights' expressions changed very dramatically.
I cleared my throat awkwardly.
"What I desire is different. If I prove that I am superior to the apprentice knights, please grant me just one small wish."
"A wish?"
"Today happens to be my birthday, after all. Think of it as receiving a birthday present instead."
My father kept a heavy silence for a moment.
His sharp gaze swept over my entire body.
It was filled with cold distrust, without a shred of expectation.
"Do as you please. If you truly have the skill for it, that is."
"You promise?"
I picked up a sword placed in a corner of the training ground.
A true sword with a sharply honed blade.
The sensation against my weak 19-year-old palm was very unfamiliar.
I was someone who could not even hold a sword properly, anyway.
If I hit a wall against an apprentice knight, I might develop at least a little respect for knights.
Even if I got hurt or was humiliated, it did not matter. It was all the child's karma.
If it was my father, he seemed like he would be thinking something like that.
"Tell me in advance what your wish is."
"Can I not tell you after everything is over?"
"Do not act spoiled. Is it a gift for your fiancee again this time? Do you not find it ridiculous that that is your birthday present?"
Of course I know.
Before I became aware of my past life, I was Azelin, Azelin, a complete Azelin parrot.
The arranged marriage was my father's unilateral decision, but after he learned of my pushover side, he said he regretted it deeply.
'How can we not break off the engagement when my son is such a pushover?'
Since he could not say that, he simply watched.
"No. It has nothing to do with Azelin."
"Then what?"
"Please spend your time on me, Father."
In that instant, my father's eyes opened wide.
Even the knights, who had been stirring, fell silent at that moment.
"You want my time?"
"Yes."
"Is it that you want to learn Swordsmanship from me?"
"No."
"Was the heir education insufficient?"
"That is not it either."
"Then what is this wish of yours?"
I stood still and looked up at the sky.
The bright sunlight shone down, and the savory scent of a wheat field in farming season rode the wind.
It was a peace that contrasted with the battlefield full of thick blood and corpses, unfamiliar yet real.
There was one thing I had wanted to do with my father on a day like this.
A modest but certain happiness that I had never achieved and had buried in my heart.
"I want to go on an outing with you, Father."
The sound of the wheat field brushing in the wind rustled and broke the silence.
I looked at my stunned father and smiled.
"That is all I need."