I stretched out on the living room sofa.
A weekend comedy show was in full swing on the TV screen.
Burly comedians wearing ridiculous wigs were doing slapstick routines and falling over.
I reached out and grabbed a potato chip from the table, popping it into my mouth.
Crunch.
The salty seasoning spread across my tongue.
The cool breeze from the air conditioner. A perfectly lazy afternoon of doing absolutely nothing.
"Oppa! Oppa, did you see this?"
Ha-eun burst out of her room and suddenly shoved her smartphone screen in my face.
Seriously annoying.
I furrowed my brow and looked at the screen.
It appeared to be some kind of outdoor plaza.
Hundreds of middle-aged men were gathered, holding up banners.
[National Baldness Association - Rally Praising Our Savior Kang Tae-ho Hunter Who Bestowed Light Upon Us]
A grand and solemn voice flowed from the speakers.
—Oh! Messiah! Savior who brought new life to our barren scalps!
—When you shattered that giant serpent's spine with your small and divine frame, we couldn't even dare to imagine!
—Hero! You are the shield of South Korea's security and the light of our lost youth!
The men gathered in the plaza were all wiping away tears and shouting hurrahs in unison.
Some prostrated themselves on the ground, bowing deeply toward the direction of the penthouse where I lived.
"......"
I was so dumbfounded I let out a chuckle.
I munched on the potato chip and snickered.
"Wow. These guys aren't resting at home on their day off and doing all sorts of things."
"You're laughing right now? Won't this become a problem later? They're worshipping you like some cult."
Ha-eun turned off the screen and asked with an anxious expression.
I scratched my forehead.
I sat up on the sofa.
"Hey. Don't worry about it. That's nothing compared to what I've seen."
"Nothing? They're acting like fanatics."
"When I was busting my ass on the front lines, there were people way worse than that."
Ha-eun's eyes widened at my dry response.
"You know my Awakening name is Magical Girl, right?"
"...Yeah."
Ha-eun glanced at my small frame and answered in a shrinking voice.
I munched on the potato chip and continued indifferently.
"While I was slaughtering those monster bastards on the battlefield, refugees in the rear were calling me a fairy of salvation or whatever, praying while holding magic wand merchandise."
"Ah..."
"The damn System forcibly transformed an adult man into this mess, but people think it's some kind of divine blessing. Compared to that, those bald guys gushing over me is genuinely pure and tame."
Ha-eun fell silent at my dry explanation.
She must have watched me through the news, covered in blood while butchering monsters.
Having learned how I'd come to terms with this body, Ha-eun subtly averted her gaze.
"W-well... as long as you're okay with it."
Ha-eun awkwardly grabbed her smartphone and slipped back into her room.
I lay back down on the sofa.
8 PM.
Mom came out to the living room and switched the TV to the main news.
[This afternoon, a large-scale rally by the National Baldness Association was held at Gwanghwamun Plaza.]
The screen showed the same rally scene Ha-eun had shown me earlier.
[They announced they would push forward with building a monument of gratitude to Kang Tae-ho Hunter, and revealed they had collected over 10 billion won in donations within just three hours.]
[On-site Interview: "Kang Tae-ho Hunter isn't just a hero. He's a god who restored my marital relationship!"]
On screen, a middle-aged man with a full head of hair was sobbing.
"Wow. They really must have nothing else to report on."
I picked up the remote.
I changed the channel without hesitation.
A cable channel was showing an anime where the protagonist was swinging a sword and cutting down villains.
This is a hundred times more worthwhile.
Mom sat down next to me and handed me a fruit fork.
"My baby, you hit number one on the trending searches again thanks to those men. Must be tiring."
"Leave it. They'll do that for a few days and stop."
I chewed and swallowed a piece of melon, brushing it off casually.
—Clatter, bang!
Just then, the front door burst open as if it would break.
Dad, who had left early in the morning for his soccer club, came in huffing and puffing with two giant styrofoam boxes tucked under both arms.
"Dad's home!"
The entrance sensor light turned on.
Dad's face in the light was more radiant than ever.
Most notably, his jet-black hair, styled with the hair wax he'd applied before leaving this morning, was standing up like a lion's mane and gleaming.
Dad set the styrofoam boxes down in the middle of the living room with a thud.
"Honey! Tae-ho! Ha-eun! Everyone gather in the living room!"
At his booming voice, Ha-eun also quietly emerged from her room.
Dad put his hands on his hips and declared triumphantly.
"Today at the soccer club, all the guys nearly fainted when they saw my hair! They said I'd gotten younger and insisted I take the chairman position right away! This is all thanks to our Tae-ho!"
"So. What's that in your hands?"
When I asked, half-sitting up from the sofa, Dad ripped open the tape on the styrofoam boxes with gusto.
"Korean beef sirloin and ribeye! Dad was in such a good mood today that I cleaned out the department store meat counter! We're having a family meat party on the terrace tonight!"
Mom burst out laughing at the mountain of meat boxes.
"Oh my, you're impossible. What are four people going to do with a whole cow? That won't even all fit in the fridge."
"Haha! If there's leftovers, we'll throw a neighborhood party! My lost 20 years of youth have returned—what's one cow! Ha-eun! Hurry and set up the grill on the terrace!"
The house instantly became noisy and bustling.
Mom was smacking his back, but a smile spread across her lips.
I couldn't help but smirk.
This kind of commotion wasn't so bad.
I got up and stretched.
Outside the penthouse, on the spacious outdoor terrace.
A perfect spot with a panoramic view of Seoul's dazzling night scenery.
Ha-eun busily carried lettuce, garlic, and ssamjang, setting the table.
Dad was in the corner, pouring charcoal into a camping grill and struggling to light it with a torch.
"Ugh, why won't this charcoal light? Did it get damp?"
Only the flame from the torch circled in the air while the charcoal remained blackly dead.
Dad wiped the sweat from his forehead and glanced at me.
"Tae-ho."
"What?"
"My son. Can't you give these coals a little spark?"
The blackly dead charcoal.
Dad's back as he fumbled uselessly over it, dripping with sweat.
When the wind blew and ash scattered, Mom and Ha-eun beside him coughed and frowned.
At this rate, the family would suffocate from fumes before we could even grill the meat.
I finally let out a short sigh and shuffled over in my slippers.
"You're telling me to be a human torch right now."
"Aw, son! It's meat for the family—you can show off that much skill! If you grill it, even the smoky flavor will be different!"
Dad's lush hair, now grown back, fluttered in the wind as he smiled brightly.
It was absurd, but seeing my family looking at me with expectant eyes in front of the mountain of meat boxes, I couldn't bring myself to refuse coldly.
"Ugh, seriously. Move aside so the ash doesn't fly."
I snatched the torch away, tossed it on the ground, and stepped right up to the grill.
I raised my right hand and extended it over the grill.
I concentrated mana at my fingertips.
Attribute conversion. Fire.
—Fwoooosh!
The moment I snapped my fingers, bright red flames engulfed the entire bed of blackly dead charcoal.
In just one second, the charcoal's temperature shot up to the perfect 800 degrees for grilling meat.
Perfect combustion without even producing smoke.
Not a single spark flew, not 0.1% of ash scattered.
This was the true heat control of a Magical Girl boasting 100% mana efficiency.
"Wow! That's insane!"
Ha-eun clapped and cheered beside me.
Dad excitedly placed the grill plate on top and started laying down crimson-red sirloin pieces.
Sizzzzle—!
The moment the meat touched the grill, a fantastic sound erupted along with an explosion of meaty aroma.
I squatted in front of the grill and finely adjusted the mana with my fingers.
To crisp the outside instantly while perfectly sealing the juices inside, I maintained the charcoal's heat at precisely 250 degrees.
"Wait, Dad said he'd grill the meat, so why am I holding the tongs and controlling the heat?"
"Oppa, focus! Heat control is everything. That expensive meat will burn!"
Ha-eun just gave annoying advice while holding an empty plate.
Just then, Mom came over and draped something around my neck.
"My baby, you can't get the meat smell on you, so wear this."
I looked down.
A pink apron covered in lace with a rabbit pattern.
It even had cute little pockets.
"......"
My dignity was being shaved away in real time.
"There! It's done! Tae-ho, you eat first!"
Dad cut a large piece of ribeye with scissors and popped it right into my mouth.
I opened my mouth and chewed the meat.
The savory richness of melting fat and the deep aroma of charcoal hit my tongue.
Delicious. A perfect taste that smoothed away my irritation.
"Good, right? Our family is healthy, and Oppa, you should keep living like a freeloader forever! Cheers!"
Ha-eun held out a paper cup filled with cola.
Dad with his beer can and Mom with her wine glass smiled and clinked glasses.
I reluctantly raised my cola cup and lightly tapped it against theirs.
On the table, premium Korean beef was piled like a mountain, and on the grill, my mana was perfectly cooking the meat.
Below the outdoor terrace, the Gangnam cityscape sparkled peacefully with lights.
A scene I couldn't have even imagined in that desperate muddy pit where every bone in my body was crushed as I tore apart the Imugi's jaw.
I didn't care whether fanatics on the news praising me collected 10 billion won, or whether politicians watched my every move.
"Ah, Mom. Wrap me one lettuce wrap. With two pieces of meat."
"Sure. My baby, eat lots."
Mom stuffed a large lettuce wrap into my mouth.
With my cheeks puffed out, I looked up at the night sky and chewed.
Wearing a rabbit apron and playing human torch, but it wasn't so bad.
However the world turned.
As long as I could protect this tiresome, noisy family's dinner table, I could do this annoying mana control for the rest of my life.
A thoroughly lazy and peaceful weekend evening was deepening.
