Once, at the academy, I'd taken a class on torture.
At first, when I heard it was about torture, I assumed it was a lecture on ancient texts.
"Now then, shall we begin our first class with a history of torture?"
Excuse me?
Surprisingly, that was how the class began—a chronicle of cruel punishments, one after another.
"Tearing limbs apart, poisoning with gas—people used to do all sorts of inhumane things back in the day."
On the chalkboard that the cheerful professor tapped away at, censored tools and their marks were laid out in stark, unsparing detail.
After that first class ended, I remembered half the students dropping the course on the spot.
The professor had just smiled pleasantly and said, "What a shame, it was getting interesting," then carried right on.
Why is that coming to mind now?
"Tell us everything."
Tell you what.
On a weekend afternoon, four friends had barged into my room without warning, bound me up, and tied me to a chair.
Restraining the subject—that was step one of torture, if I recalled correctly.
"We heard the rumor. You and Elline… held hands?"
All four of them stared at me like they couldn't believe it.
Their expressions said two things: *please tell me it's a lie*, and *this is absolutely ridiculous*.
Ross in particular—the one who'd proposed the confession forfeit—was watching me with the most unsteady voice of all.
"Are you actually dating Elline?"
"…"
I'd set aside my doubts, but even when I asked myself the same question, I couldn't give a confident answer.
Even so, if I had to say—
"Yeah. That's how it turned out."
Probably.
"Boss, what do we do with this guy?"
"Should we kill him?"
Kain and Edgar, who'd been holding me on either side, started mimicking the drawl of back-alley thugs and cranked up the pressure on my arms.
Step two of torture: inflict pain slowly until the subject confesses.
"Wait—ow! Hey, you're going to snap my joint!"
"Shut up!"
"Okay, okay, you're getting too into it."
Edgar and Kain sorted out the pressure between themselves, and Ross, looking utterly drained, kept rubbing his face with both hands as he turned to Balrod.
"Balrod, what did I tell you! I said they were dating, didn't I?"
Balrod just shrugged.
"But at the end you admitted yourself that it looked like she'd turned him down."
"Well… that's true."
Ross shook his head again in disbelief.
"Guys, let me go. I'm in pain."
"Silence, traitor!"
What traitor, you guys, I'm actually hurting.
"This guy—I should've known the moment he started pretending he had no interest in romance!"
"Exactly. Wasn't throwing scissors on purpose all part of the plan?"
So this is how conspiracy theories are born.
"Hmm."
And now he grabbed my face and started kneading it.
My skin crawled.
"What are you doing?"
"Dissecting and analyzing."
I'm not a specimen.
Once the excitement died down, the five of us ended up scattered around my dorm room, sitting in a loose cluster. Five grown men in a dorm room that small—it felt like the walls might burst at any moment.
Every gaze was still pointed at me, but now they were filled with nothing but curiosity.
"So did you go on a date today?"
A date—well, if you wanted to call it that, sure.
"Yeah."
At that single word, Kain let out a shriek like a schoolgirl and started slapping Edgar on the back.
"What did you do?"
"Went for a walk."
"He went for a walk, a walk!"
Kain, apparently unable to contain himself, started strangling Edgar, while Edgar grabbed him by the head and the two of them made a whole production of it.
"Ignore those idiots."
At Balrod's word, I continued.
A walk—we'd gone around the North Courtyard, had lunch right after, then parted ways. When we said goodbye, she'd left in her usual fashion, saying "See you next time" before vanishing without a trace, so there wasn't much else to add.
"Beron really had to start something even there."
They'd been listening with great interest, but the moment Beron's name came up, their expressions soured in unison, as if on cue.
"A guy like that being in Alpha Class—what a sorry state of affairs."
Ross clicked his tongue, and the others nodded along.
Alpha Class carried a prestige that made it feel untouchable. Even the most ordinary-looking student became someone different the moment you heard, *"They're Alpha."*
The thought of Beron being counted among that aura made their faces look like they'd lost their appetite.
"We should've seen it coming when he transferred."
"Leave it. A guy like that gets into Alpha Class and he'll drop right back out at the midterm evaluation."
At Balrod's matter-of-fact assessment, Ross gave a short laugh and clapped him lightly on the shoulder.
"Look at you—current Alpha Class sees things differently, huh?"
"Well, you all know it too, don't you?"
You know it too.
At those words, we all nodded without needing to say anything more.
Beron, who probably mistook his position for genuine ability, would come back down the moment this semester ended.
There were cases of people cheating their way up once or twice, but in the end, real ability was always exposed through consistent evaluation.
"Anyway, what are we going to do about Rutess?"
"Why."
"What do you mean why—you're going to have a rough time for a while."
At the word *rough*, I let out a sigh without meaning to.
If even these guys already knew, it meant the rumor had already spread.
The fury that had driven them charging into my room just minutes ago might as well have been a performance—now they were too busy grinning at me.
"Ah, I'm jealous. Genuinely."
"Same. How did Elline even say yes?"
That's what I'd like to know.
It wasn't that I lacked confidence—no matter how many times I thought about it, I couldn't come up with a clear answer.
You don't need a petty reason to love someone, but still.
I still didn't understand the fundamental reason she'd accepted my confession.
After all, the reason I'd confessed in the first place was, in the end, a forfeit.
"…"
Right. A forfeit.
I had confessed to Elline as a forfeit.
"Anyway, it's getting late, so I'll head out."
Ross stood up.
Whether he'd noticed the darkness settling in completely outside, or whether he'd read something in my expression, I couldn't tell—but once he rose, the others followed one by one.
"Hey, who's the dorm supervisor tonight?"
"Yulian."
"Ah!"
Their building was far enough that they needed to leave early, so they all filed out in a rush, throwing me glances on the way out that seemed to say *hang in there*.
All except Balrod.
"Shouldn't you be leaving even sooner?"
Balrod, the only one among us in Alpha Class, looked at me for a moment and scratched his head.
"Rutess."
"Yeah."
"You're really going to have a rough time."
"…"
There was genuine concern in his words.
"Honestly, I still can't quite believe it. You know what kind of image Elline has."
I do. Of course I do.
"Whether you like it or not, a lot of attention is going to come your way. Especially… I think even the Alpha Class students will take notice of you."
Hmm…
"I suppose."
"So starting next week—stay sharp."
Balrod left his sincere advice behind and stood up.
"Or rather…"
He stopped in his tracks and glanced back at me.
"Yeah?"
"… Never mind."
And then, whatever he'd been about to say, he closed the door and left.
The moment he was gone, silence settled over the dorm room, and I naturally let myself fall back onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling again.
"…"
A rough time.
Yeah, probably.
A label would follow me around all day, every day.
Whether I liked it or not, whether it was a misunderstanding or not.
The moment it became known that I was the person holding Elline's hand, my name would be on everyone's lips endlessly.
There'd probably be baseless rumors too.
And natural gossip would follow.
Was it already happening?
…
I didn't know.
I didn't usually care about being watched, but in the end I was still human—too much scrutiny would weigh on me.
But more than that, something else was making me uneasy.
Persistently,
persistently,
…
No matter how many times I pressed a hand to my chest and squeezed, that uncomfortable something wouldn't go away.
So I just closed my eyes.
Maybe it was because I'd been tense since the early hours of yesterday morning and hadn't slept—
the moment I closed my eyes, it felt like my body sank into place, and I was pulled gently down into the depths of the sea.
Monday arrived.
Sunday had been the same as always—I'd stayed holed up in my room and slept in.
Of course, footsteps paused in front of my door a few times throughout the day, but I didn't pay them any mind.
I put on my uniform.
Looked in the mirror for once—something I never usually did—and smiled.
A bright, cheerful smile.
Ah. That looks unnatural.
I lightly brushed the dust off my clothes, took a deep breath, and threw the door open.
The people I passed in the hallway glanced at me once and walked right by.
It seemed the ripples from the rumor hadn't spread too widely yet.
I walked to class.
A cool breeze and the particular smell of grass washed over me, and my mind settled.
Right. What could possibly happen.
And then, the moment I stepped into the main building's corridor—
*Oh.*
I felt the stares.
As if they'd been waiting for me to walk in,
students turned their heads one by one and began to look at me.
It might have been the first time in my entire time at the academy that I'd been on the receiving end of so many eyes at once. I didn't know where to put myself.
At least no one was actually coming up to talk to me.
Counting that as a blessing, I walked naturally toward the lecture hall.
"Is that really him?"
"No way."
"You're kidding."
Of course, things I didn't want to hear reached my ears anyway, but I had no desire to engage. The doubts they had were the same ones I had about myself.
The atmosphere inside the lecture hall was no different.
The students chatting animatedly turned to look as I walked in, and I found myself the center of attention.
There were plenty of students who had no particular interest in the rumor, and since it hadn't spread everywhere yet, not every eye was on me.
I sat down in my usual seat.
"All right, everyone—happy Monday."
The professor's entrance naturally scattered the gazes.
The lecture ended.
I was naturally gathering my things and getting up when I sensed a few sets of footsteps drawing closer.
Starting already, are we.
"Hey, Rutess."
I looked up.
Sure enough, students I only knew by face had gathered and were standing in front of me.
People I had no bad history with, no real connection to—just faces I recognized.
"Hey."
I greeted them lightly and was reaching for my book when they asked:
"Is it true?"
Manners, apparently, were not on the menu.
"Is what true?"
"About Elline."
I slowly finished packing my bag and looked at them. Their eyes were gleaming with curiosity and the hunger for gossip.
These were people who hadn't spoken a word to me all semester, and I couldn't begin to imagine how badly they'd wanted to know.
We'd never exchanged so much as a sentence before.
Reading their expressions slowly, I started to understand what Balrod had meant.
There was no outright contempt in their eyes—but there was an undercurrent of *really, you?* A look that said this didn't quite add up.
I finished packing, turned to face them calmly.
"Yeah."
I said it plainly and picked up my bag. They stared at me like they still couldn't believe it.
"Why?"
One of them exhaled loudly in disbelief. Others exchanged glances.
"Figure it out yourselves."
"What— hey, wait!"
I ignored the voice calling after me and walked out of the lecture hall. The stares followed me down the corridor too.
The way people kept glancing at me—it was unsettling.
Come to think of it, had Elline always lived under this kind of scrutiny?
It was impossible not to notice, and now that I thought about it, the fact that she'd ignored this for two years struck me as genuinely remarkable.
Speaking of which—her lecture was probably over by now too.
Should I go see her face?
…
No, she'll be busy. What would I even be going there for.
I turned to head off and prepare for my next class—then stopped.
In the distance, a silver-haired girl was walking toward me.
Elline.
And as always, there was no one around her.
Whether she pushed people away herself, or whether the students simply avoided her—
they parted for her as if by prior arrangement, which made her easy to spot from far away.
Whenever I'd seen that sight before, I'd assumed Elline didn't care. That she took it for granted, the way people cleared a path for her.
Because she'd seemed to have no feelings about it.
But the Elline I'd seen two days ago—she was small about it, but she knew how to show emotion.
And maybe, I thought, she was richer inside than I'd imagined.
If that was true, what was she thinking right now?
"…"
She was getting closer.
She was probably moving to her next class.
Normally, I would have stepped aside too.
That's what I would have done up until last week.
*But now…*
I'd thought I was self-conscious about being watched—but the moment I saw Elline, that feeling blurred away.
So I started walking.
I moved through the crowd and approached her without any particular urgency.
Our eyes met.
I saw it.
We'd only met twice now, but I could see the subtle shift in her expression.
From the snowfield blankness of a moment ago, something trembled—faint as a small flower stirring.
She didn't smile. She didn't soften her eyes. But my heart began to beat faster.
I took one slow breath,
and stepped toward her again.
"Hey."
"Hi."
Characteristically Elline—a calm, unhurried reply.
I could feel people stopping around us, eyes turning our way, but I decided to focus only on her.
"What are you doing here?"
My tongue tangled. The words came out wrong.
*What are you doing here*—she's walking down the hallway. What kind of question is that.
…Am I really this bad at talking to girls?
"I was heading to my next class."
"I see."
Exactly as expected—she was heading to her next class.
So?
…Well, I'd seen her face. I could just turn around and go back.
"…"
"…"
Now that I'd actually spoken to her, I had nothing to say. Whatever confidence I'd had a moment ago had vanished, and regret came flooding in.
Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.
"Why?"
Elline looked at me.
Right. Why.
I wanted to ask myself the same question.
…Just because.
*Just because it's you.*
The answer she'd given when I asked why she'd accepted my confession.
Just because it was me.
…
My body moved on its own.
I stepped forward slowly,
and took her hand.
It was warm, and small.
"I'll walk you there."
A brief silence.
The noise of the corridor fell away.
I tightened my grip,
and felt a trembling.
It certainly wasn't her who was trembling.
"Let's go."
My heart was pounding like it had lost its mind.